i can do this!

ahh what a week it has been! all i can think about lately is how incredibly grateful i am for the knowledge i have of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the relationship i have with my Heavenly Father. i know for a fact that no matter how many failed pregnancies i have that there is always a purpose for them in my life at that certain time. sometimes the reasons for your trails are right there in front of you if you take the time to open your mind and except that it had to happen. other times you may have no idea why you were given a specific trail but whether you know the reason or not it's important to accept it and learn from it, even if it is not easy.

this time around has been really weird for me emotionally. i cried a lot the day we found out. all i wanted to do was cry. but after that first day of mostly sadness i just felt anger. i couldn't cry very much even when i felt like i really really needed to! how frustrating! i was just angry at all of it. i wanted to know why. i wanted to know what i did wrong. what went wrong. is this really happening again all in less than six months?

even if i can't figure out why or how it happened again.. or what i'm supposed to learn from it or change in my life at this time, i do know that i have a Heavenly Father who has answered my prayers. it may not always be the way i want them to be answered but they are always answered. what a blessing it is that we can simply kneel on our knees no matter what our emotional state is and feel His love for us, feel the spirit in our homes, and know that He knows what is best for us. it's hard to except a different plan for ourselves than the one we've made but i know that when we let go of our plans that a much better and joyful one can take place.